Chronicles of a HeadCase

I have found in my life that many people find it easier, to have faith and believe in a supreme being that cannot be proven until today, than to trust another human being. It is a strange observation, especially when I start to feel that trust and faith are almost the same thing, except people do the latter without doubt and do not feel betrayed if faith does not follow through. Take the 2 scenarios below for example:-

scenario 1) Lisa prays hard day and night that Tom will ask her to the dance. Tom doesn’t. Lisa remains a staunch believer in her God and her faith perseveres.

scenario 2) Tom said he will take Lisa to the dance. Tom ends up going with Gina. Lisa will remember for the rest of her life what Tom did and will never ever fully trust him again (might have trouble trusting all guys after that).

They say it takes a lot of courage to have faith. But it seems strange to me because, hearing someone saying “I trust you” is so much more powerful than “I have faith in you”. “I have faith in you” sounds like the odds are against you, I will pray for a miracle. hahaha.

But on the other hand, faith and trust both can be truly elating experiences that can totally change your perspective, give you a positive paradigm shift and allow you to grow further as a person.

I don’t have to get into faith, there are many religious websites out there.

In the case of trust, if you can… trust someone without doubt, suspicioun and fear that they will betray it. I promise, you will feel released, relieved and experience an ultimate calm. Because life can go on for you, without having to constantly worry if he/she is going to get drunk and have sex with someone else. Yes yes, you will feel betrayed if and when he/she betrays your trust, but he/she will almost never earn your trust back again. Trust should be given, and it is very very hard to earn back. Forgiveness is a whole different ball game that I’ll get into next time. But I mean, even in faith things don’t always work out the way we want it… how can trust in another human being do any better that faith in the gods?  So I say, live and let go, or forever hold on to the shadows of fear and doubt. You choose…

(Dedicated to MissDayne who requested an article about Trust)

The price of freedom, is eternal vigilance and vice versa. The will to power, the uphill battle to thrive in this life seem to diminish when we are satiated, when we feel satisfied. It is the feeling of achievement when you get what you want, and the bliss that overcomes you when you are with the one you love. But this bliss comes with a price, and that price is your drive. Your drive becomes compromised because all you want to do everyday, is to get thru the day and spend the rest of those meaningful hours with someone… who is meaningful to you. Success, self improvement, personal dreams, and the such, become secondary, and we find ourselves in a prison of bliss with no will left to make changes in our lives. That is what happens when we make the happiness of someone else take precedence over our own, that is what happens when we become docile… numb from this valium in the form of love or maybe even lust.

So whats the solution to this double edged sword? It boils down to freedom vs love. Well, in my opinion, I think its best to not settle for love until your life is where you want it to be already. Otherwise, your life will be a limbo supported by the clouds of emotions and you will find no will in the thrill of making a better life for yourself… it simply becomes your responsibility. yuck!

A reciprocated reply would make a world of difference, but this unrequited love has sapped the light out of you, now everything doesn’t matter anymore. Taking its toll on you, as every misleading beacon in the midsts of this mist sends a happy spree of hope like a surge of dope into your veins, and the withdrawal seems to kill a little bit of you every time.

This happiness is a drug and in its depression is the only comfort it can offer. How much before you break? How many breaks before you can muster the strength and declare that you had enough? or How long more can you wait before you tell that person how you really feel? For love that is one way, it is to love, but to love in vain…  Get the rejection out of the way and move on with life, wallow in this misery and taste the bitterness of loneliness. But what if the love is requited? I guess you’ll never know till you try, so wear your heart on your sleeve before it is too late, realize the fear that your throbbing heart may eventually cool and be shielded by a wall of ice built by an architect of pain. And it will take a tremendous amount of amourous heat to melt that coldness away, if ever you are to love again.

(Dedicated to one of my readers who requested a writeup on a one-way love affair)